I finally sat down and did a Star Wars marathon, going through all six films; to my shame, this was the first time watching them. I had seen Episode IV before, but never could bring myself to sit through the rest of them. I just found them kind of boring at the time.
It's not so much that there was something inherently wrong with the movies (I always recognised their value, after all), I just think that I'm pretty much desensatized to all the things that made them stand out in the first place.
Remember, I was born in 1985; by then the entire original Trilogy was out and everybody had ripped them off. Hell, my first exposure to science-fiction was The Transformers and anyone who knows their Transformers (and I certainly do) will tell you that, especially the animated 1986 movie and the cartoon's third season that opened up the universe and took it into space, were heavily inspired thematically and visually by Star Wars.
That's without even taking into account the endless references and jokes that someone who lives in the Internet like myself is constantly bombarded with, simply because of how ingrained this series is into popular culture.
I saw the original Trilogy and I quite liked it, I have to admit. I didn't love it, but if somebody asks me to sit down and watch them again I will gladly do it and may even grow to love them after repeated viewings. It's not without precedent.
But the credits to "Return of the Jedi" finished rolling (always watch a movie until the credits are over, otherwise you rob yourself of the best window to evaluate your thoughts about it), the time for the prequels came.
I knew of the prequels' infamy among both fans and general movie-goers-- popular culture and all that jazz had made it pretty clear to anyone alive in the last decade that they are amongst the biggest disappointments to ever be recorded in cinema history. Countless jokes and endless, fluid hatred surrounded them.
I was genuinely intend on liking them. I was new to the series, definitely not a fan, I had no preconceptions or expectations or prejudices. Plus, knowing the type of people "fans" usually are (since I am a fan of a great many things myself), I wouldn't pass up on the opportunity to troll the living fuck out of them.
But from the first paragraph of that iconic text, I knew I was in for some shit. Every other movie starts by talking of war and rebellions and evil empires. Episode I's first paragraph, on the other hand, includes the phrase "taxation of trade routes in dispute".
This phrase is the perfect summation of everything that's wrong with the prequels.
Oh, the films themselves have tons of problems on their own and I'm not even talking about inconsistencies or plot holes or details fans could bring up. Jake Lloyd drags down Episode I; I don't like ragging on child actors (even though some are obviously better than others), but he plays an important saga character, which means he gets a lot of camera time with nothing but stupid shit to do.
Jar Jar Bink's comedic antics, especially in the first prequel, are far too many and far too "child-oriented" to mesh with the space opera Lucas wants to create (not to say anything of the negative racial connotations).
Christensen and Portman have neither any chemistry nor any apparent desire to stretch their acting muscles.
Anakin's and Padmé's "great" love story, which was the catalyst for Anakin's turn to the Dark Side, is so sudden and mishandled that the worst PORN fanfiction writer would've thought it too lazy to publish. It's the sudden romance between a whiny, obsessed border-line psychopath and a moron politician. Anakin is at least consistent in his juvenile fascination with her, but especially Amidala's declaration of love comes out of nowhere and the entire thing feels forced.
Also, the visual style is kind of shit. Too many locales that resemble Earth, not enough alien sets and the ships are ALL derivative of either real-life aircrafts or designs from other works of science-fiction. Though I admit, this is mostly a personal beef.
But all of the above (except maybe the visuals) are mere symptoms, not the disease. Many creators want to make prequels to their successful works, to expand upon them, or give a different perspective to the universe and the characters they have created, but unfortunately just as many don't realize there isn't always a story there. There are only colourful facts.
This is likely a bad example, but think how we do it in video-games; in the early shooters, the story set-up was included only in the manual or the back of the box to avoid weighing the action down in the actual game. In RPGs, such as Dragon Age or even the Elder Scrolls series, details about politics and social structures are included in in-game libraries for selective and optional reading, with only the necessary information making it on-screen.
So, Darth Vader is shown to have a fucked up face in "Return of the Jedi" and be half-machine. It'd be cool to show people how this happened and how Luke and Leia's dad turned to the Dark Side, but is there an actual story behind it worth telling?
Actually, yes, there is. The problem is that there is enough story for only one film, when they opted to make three instead.
This is how we ended up with two whole movies of glorified fodder. This is why we spend so much time on Jake Lloyd in the first film, why we see that boring-ass race, why we see him being a "gifted" pilot. It doesn't develop (or even place the foundations of) Anakin's character, it's a fact relayed on-screen for far longer than it should be.
Does anyone think we needed to know the specifics of how Palpatine got into a position of power? Would anybody truly mind if Palpatine, who remains slimy and positively scummy all throughout the prequels, had started in the prequel(s) as a senator already and sought ultimate power from there? The main plotline thread in "The Phantom Menace" isn't about Anakin or Padmé or Obi-Wan; it's really all about Palpatine becoming head of the Senate.
The needlessness of the 2/3 of the prequels reflects on the characters as well. In Episode I, Anakin (the PROTAGONIST of this trilogy) is just kind of there. Obi-Wan only gets to show some personality in "Attack of the Clones" and doesn't become a fully defined character until Episode III, but especially in "Phantom" I'm not even sure he had any dialogue!
I know he *had* dialogue, but I just don't remember him ever opening his mouth (except to "NOOOO!" Liam Neeson's death).
As for Amidala... look guys, the woman is a glorified sex doll. Her role as a politician doesn't do anything for her character and only exists to further the plot and even in Episode III when she's kind of important, she's still only important for Anakin's character arc. That's bad in and on itself, but it's not wholly condemnable in writing. What is condemnable is spending two more films on what's essentially a bit-character that functions as a plot-device.
What about Lord Dooku? The man has no character, no personality and he exists to be a red-herring. Just put this in your head, for a moment: somebody said "we're making a highly-anticipated, multi-million-dollar blockbuster and we will cast Christopher -MOTHERFUCKING- Lee just so we can pull a bait 'n' switch on the audience in the NEXT movie".
Shit cinema or not, you have to admit this thought-process is just fascinating, even from a medical standpoint.
The point of all the above is that the prequels would've been received much better (at least by those who aren't fans), if they were just A prequel. Because, honestly, you can cut Episodes I & II almost entirely and lose absolutely nothing from the narrative of "Revenge of the Sith".
They only needed one prequel; Episode III is where things of importance finally happen, it's when Anakin is fleshed out properly as a character, when we see his pathos and his downfall, when we get invested in Obi-Wan and Palpatine's rise to ultimate power.
That's the only movie in this trilogy that matters. It could've been a little longer, to include the few details from the first two Episodes that were integral to the story. They could reference things like "Senator Palpatine" or how the Clones came to be, either in the movie or even in the scrolling text. They could have flashbacks to allude to Anakin's slave beginnings without having to withstand Jake Lloyd's smug face for 120 minutes, a face that made being owned as a slave look like having a funny-looking kindergarten teacher.
They could do a lot to edit "Revenge of the Sith", a film which is by no means perfect (or even better than the original Trilogy) into the only prequel that matters.
What am I getting at with all of the above? It's simple: until somebody hires me to do some actual writing or reporting, I'll keep busting everyone's balls with blog-style-written opinion pieces. That's the only warning you get, Internet!
Consider this a victory, though, Star Wars fans. Out of six films, I really liked four. It's a pretty damn decent ratio and I have to admit, while I still wouldn't call myself a "fan", I am now fairly invested in the Star Wars Universe. You won an ally today.
Now off to play KOTOR, like the impressionable five-year-old I really am!
It's not so much that there was something inherently wrong with the movies (I always recognised their value, after all), I just think that I'm pretty much desensatized to all the things that made them stand out in the first place.
Remember, I was born in 1985; by then the entire original Trilogy was out and everybody had ripped them off. Hell, my first exposure to science-fiction was The Transformers and anyone who knows their Transformers (and I certainly do) will tell you that, especially the animated 1986 movie and the cartoon's third season that opened up the universe and took it into space, were heavily inspired thematically and visually by Star Wars.
That's without even taking into account the endless references and jokes that someone who lives in the Internet like myself is constantly bombarded with, simply because of how ingrained this series is into popular culture.
I saw the original Trilogy and I quite liked it, I have to admit. I didn't love it, but if somebody asks me to sit down and watch them again I will gladly do it and may even grow to love them after repeated viewings. It's not without precedent.
But the credits to "Return of the Jedi" finished rolling (always watch a movie until the credits are over, otherwise you rob yourself of the best window to evaluate your thoughts about it), the time for the prequels came.
 |
| Oh, shut up Wesley! |
I was genuinely intend on liking them. I was new to the series, definitely not a fan, I had no preconceptions or expectations or prejudices. Plus, knowing the type of people "fans" usually are (since I am a fan of a great many things myself), I wouldn't pass up on the opportunity to troll the living fuck out of them.
But from the first paragraph of that iconic text, I knew I was in for some shit. Every other movie starts by talking of war and rebellions and evil empires. Episode I's first paragraph, on the other hand, includes the phrase "taxation of trade routes in dispute".
This phrase is the perfect summation of everything that's wrong with the prequels.
Oh, the films themselves have tons of problems on their own and I'm not even talking about inconsistencies or plot holes or details fans could bring up. Jake Lloyd drags down Episode I; I don't like ragging on child actors (even though some are obviously better than others), but he plays an important saga character, which means he gets a lot of camera time with nothing but stupid shit to do.
Jar Jar Bink's comedic antics, especially in the first prequel, are far too many and far too "child-oriented" to mesh with the space opera Lucas wants to create (not to say anything of the negative racial connotations).
Christensen and Portman have neither any chemistry nor any apparent desire to stretch their acting muscles.
 |
| High-art film photography at its best. |
Also, the visual style is kind of shit. Too many locales that resemble Earth, not enough alien sets and the ships are ALL derivative of either real-life aircrafts or designs from other works of science-fiction. Though I admit, this is mostly a personal beef.
But all of the above (except maybe the visuals) are mere symptoms, not the disease. Many creators want to make prequels to their successful works, to expand upon them, or give a different perspective to the universe and the characters they have created, but unfortunately just as many don't realize there isn't always a story there. There are only colourful facts.
This is likely a bad example, but think how we do it in video-games; in the early shooters, the story set-up was included only in the manual or the back of the box to avoid weighing the action down in the actual game. In RPGs, such as Dragon Age or even the Elder Scrolls series, details about politics and social structures are included in in-game libraries for selective and optional reading, with only the necessary information making it on-screen.
 |
| That's all the prequel you needed, Mr. Lucas. |
Actually, yes, there is. The problem is that there is enough story for only one film, when they opted to make three instead.
This is how we ended up with two whole movies of glorified fodder. This is why we spend so much time on Jake Lloyd in the first film, why we see that boring-ass race, why we see him being a "gifted" pilot. It doesn't develop (or even place the foundations of) Anakin's character, it's a fact relayed on-screen for far longer than it should be.
Does anyone think we needed to know the specifics of how Palpatine got into a position of power? Would anybody truly mind if Palpatine, who remains slimy and positively scummy all throughout the prequels, had started in the prequel(s) as a senator already and sought ultimate power from there? The main plotline thread in "The Phantom Menace" isn't about Anakin or Padmé or Obi-Wan; it's really all about Palpatine becoming head of the Senate.
 |
| Why did you exist, again? |
I know he *had* dialogue, but I just don't remember him ever opening his mouth (except to "NOOOO!" Liam Neeson's death).
As for Amidala... look guys, the woman is a glorified sex doll. Her role as a politician doesn't do anything for her character and only exists to further the plot and even in Episode III when she's kind of important, she's still only important for Anakin's character arc. That's bad in and on itself, but it's not wholly condemnable in writing. What is condemnable is spending two more films on what's essentially a bit-character that functions as a plot-device.
What about Lord Dooku? The man has no character, no personality and he exists to be a red-herring. Just put this in your head, for a moment: somebody said "we're making a highly-anticipated, multi-million-dollar blockbuster and we will cast Christopher -MOTHERFUCKING- Lee just so we can pull a bait 'n' switch on the audience in the NEXT movie".
Shit cinema or not, you have to admit this thought-process is just fascinating, even from a medical standpoint.
The point of all the above is that the prequels would've been received much better (at least by those who aren't fans), if they were just A prequel. Because, honestly, you can cut Episodes I & II almost entirely and lose absolutely nothing from the narrative of "Revenge of the Sith".
They only needed one prequel; Episode III is where things of importance finally happen, it's when Anakin is fleshed out properly as a character, when we see his pathos and his downfall, when we get invested in Obi-Wan and Palpatine's rise to ultimate power.
 |
| This battle was unintentionally hilarious. |
They could do a lot to edit "Revenge of the Sith", a film which is by no means perfect (or even better than the original Trilogy) into the only prequel that matters.
What am I getting at with all of the above? It's simple: until somebody hires me to do some actual writing or reporting, I'll keep busting everyone's balls with blog-style-written opinion pieces. That's the only warning you get, Internet!
Consider this a victory, though, Star Wars fans. Out of six films, I really liked four. It's a pretty damn decent ratio and I have to admit, while I still wouldn't call myself a "fan", I am now fairly invested in the Star Wars Universe. You won an ally today.
Now off to play KOTOR, like the impressionable five-year-old I really am!
No comments:
Post a Comment